I'VE JOINED A GYM...

Gym Membership

So you’ve finally joined the gym in search of a fitter, healthier lifestyle…that’s the first step. But what comes next? Holding a membership card to Fitness Forever doesn’t make you fit or mean you have accomplished anything other than receiving 20% off at burger king.

A gym is the background environment for your goals to be achieved. You need to know how to use it, how to push yourself to get where you want to be.

Too many gyms are focussed on membership sales (fair enough), getting your money then leaving you to it with some unenthusiastic gym instructor at your first and possibly last gym visit.

The Gym Induction

I remember my first gym experience at the tender age of 16. I got off at the bus stop (A mission in itself - I had avoided being knifed on the way in through central Bradford), new trainers, gym bag, towel and plastic water bottle in tow!

I was met by John at the gym desk…he had been lent on what I later found out was the ‘Adductor’ machine chatting to a female in a tight Adidas top. Why is it that women are obsessed with the Adductor Machine? It will not get rid of your fat thighs – It works your inner thigh muscles – you’re adductors, but squeezing your legs together will not get rid of the inches of fat…it may however have some benefits towards birth control.

I waited nervously until he approached me, clipboard in hand – I love how you give any fucker a clipboard and pen and suddenly they have an air of authority.

So my induction consisted of the following:

10 minutes on treadmill

Leg press 3 x 15

Adductor (YES!!!) 3 x 15

Chest Press 3 x 15

Shoulder Press 3 x 15

10 minutes x-trainer

Stretch

This was jotted down on a card which was placed in John’s drawer behind the gym desk for me to get out at each visit and tick off my attendance. I remember thinking that they must check these to make sure you come…yeah right.

John robotically said I was to book my next programme assessment in 6 weeks time…and off he disappeared into a back room…probably to wank over the Adductor Machine lady. I don’t think I ever retrieved my card again and certainly didn’t stick to my ‘3 times per week’.

Results

This is why so few gym joiners make the conversion to gym users. They get into it for a couple of weeks…they lose a couple of lbs then for some reason they don’t go back and wind up spending the rest of the year paying out their direct debit for something they don’t use.

Simply signing up for gym membership and going 3 times a week to sit in the steam room for an hour will not work. You need to be motivated, and monitored to make sure you are training properly. You need to be pushed constantly and vary your exercises so you continuously make progress and avoid plateau. Following John’s induction programme may challenge a new gym user for the first week but after then it’s nothing. Your body has adapted you don’t get the sore reminder in your muscles the morning after and you don’t burn as many calories next time, all because your body is used to it.

Motivation

It can be hard to motivate yourself in the gym – unless you fork out for a personal trainer only some of which are decent. Some people prefer exercise classes. You are surrounded by other people and being constantly pushed by an instructor. Possibly the most popular and highly regarded of exercise classes is the spin class. I am a spin instructor and unfortunately only around 40% of participants put the effort in to get some sort of result from the class. This is frustrating. There is only so much an instructor can do – screaming at the top of your lungs whilst demonstrating good form can only do so much…getting off your bike and turning up someone’s resistance can be embarrassing for them…god forbid a member complain about you to the management.

So how can you get the most our of a spin class?

Correct Technique

Firstly your bike set up should be correct – arrive early and ask the instructor. If they don’t know then here’s your cue to leave. Secondly you need to maintain resistance. All too often people freewheel their way around a spin class.

I had a lady that did this she would sit there proud as punch while her legs were moving at dangerously fast speed yet she didn’t drop a bead of sweat – to her this was proof of her elite fitness. No matter how many times I urged her politely to increase the load she would look behind her thinking I was speaking to someone else. How blunt can you be before you insult someone. At this time I was fairly new to instructing – now I am a lot more direct. It all went wrong for this lady the day she freewheeled in her ankle skimming jogging bottoms, which became stuck in her bike, ripping her trousers down and tying her feet to the pedals – it took the general manager 20 minutes to cut her free and she was left bearing her M&S knickers to the entire gym…so be warned!

You need to keep tension on at all times, stay in control of your legs, tighten your abs to support your back and upper body - and if the work feels ‘too comfortable’ at any point, you are doing it wrong.

Results come from hard work and hard work isn’t easy!

One thing I ask (shout) during my classes is the check-list:

Sweating?

Burning?

Breathless?

If you are dripping with sweat gasping for air and your quads are on fire then you are putting effort in and doing something right. If your heartrate is over 160bpm (depending on your age this might kill you if you are 82) you are working high intensity.

Beating the Plateau

Once you have mastered the correct way to ‘spin’ and endured a fair few classes you will notice improved tone and strength in your legs, perhaps some tone in your arms, your fitness levels improving and a few kgs shed…give it a couple of weeks and you reach a stalemate.  The scales stay fixed, there is still noticeable muffin top and no visible 6 pack - yet you still feel like you are working hard.

This is plateau – your body becomes accustomed to what you are putting it through. This is why it is important to vary your exercises. You can’t just spin every other day and hope for the best – try a variety…even ‘Bodyshake’, ‘Vibradance’, ‘Kalumbarumba’ or some novelty GX class if they float your boat, anything that gets you moving and pushes you out of your comfort zone!

Monitoring

A good way to monitor your progress and push yourself is by investing in a heart rate monitor and checking your maximum and average heart rate during a workout. No I am not a part time sales rep for Polar or Garmin!

The advantages of a heartrate monitor and sports watch are that you can check your heartrate output during exercise. You need to consider your maximum and average heart rate. Review the results recorded on the watch after completing a workout – if your maximum heart rate is 190 bpm then that is quite high – good for you – but if you held it there for 2 seconds and it remains at 120 the rest of the time you haven’t really done much there have you. Whereas if your average is around 150bpm you have had a pretty intense workout.

Just try not to get obsessed with calorie counting. I used to train a member – he would start his watch the moment he stepped foot on the gym floor – we would spend the first 20 minutes chatting about his cat or who died on Coronation Street – then he’d chime – “ooh I’ve already burned 100 calories stood here talking to you!” …Not quite how it works!

Summary

So…well done if you have joined a gym…now use it wisely and properly. Fannying about on the X-trainer for 20 mins every day does not constitute productive exercise.

Remember your motivation – what are you goals, and who will inspire you – whether it be a gym instructor writing programmes for you every other week – a personal trainer to crack the whip at regular sessions – the over zealous lycra clad GX instructor barking instructions down the microphone - maybe it’s going to the gym with your mate who will add an extra 10kg as you bench press! Put the effort in – you know the signs if you are working hard – a high intensity average heart rate, standing in a puddle of sweat looking like you’ve pissed yourself and having soreness in your muscle the next day! Remember to mix it up – variety is key – work different muscles, anything that gets your heart rate up whether it be dance, kick-boxing, swimming, aerobics, weight training. Combine these and you will maintain a successful workout programme. 

FAT AND UNFIT... HOW TO MOVE FORWARD

The Situation

Today’s society has become obsessed with appearance. Everyone wants to be thinner, fitter, sexier, more muscular. The media has recognised this and sets the unachievable levels of perfection. Modern day role models are 6 ft supermodels and men’s health buff bronze hunks. People thrive on hoping that becoming something perfect will bring them success and happiness. That is why despite how well-educated a person is they seem to throw all commonsense out of the window when the next fad diet appears. Could the apple cider vinegar fat flush really make you look like Kim Kardashian!? If it worked for her could it work for me?! No fucking way 16 stone Sue Perkins from Hull. 

Two tablespoons of vinegar wont save you especially not if it’s going on your fish and chips. Change your way of thinking and anything is achievable.

Healthy Eating

Consider your diet. We know what we need to eat we had it drilled into us at school - Lean protein, wholegrain carbohydrates, fruit and vegetables. Think of the food pyramid at school – it’s all about portion control. Then why is it difficult? One word…Sugar – it’s in our cornflakes it’s in our starbucks – it tastes nice and once you’ve had a bit you want more…hmmm sounds like an addiction to me! If it’s not then why can’t people just stop! Don’t be weak -Go without for two weeks and you will no longer regard a balanced meal as plain and boring you won’t reach for the ketchup, you won’t go to bed thinking about chocolate hobnobs. A healthy relationship with food will return and you will feel in control. Fad diets simply don’t work because it is impossible to maintain microbiotic menu or 3 carrot sticks a day.

Exercise

So you’ve managed to cut the crap. Now get off your arse – no excuses. Too many people say they don’t have time to work. Funnily enough there is still time to watch your favourite soap on TV or fanny about on facebook for hours on end. Stop viewing exercise as a chore – it should be a fundamental part of your daily regime. If you want to change the shape of your body – and don’t even think the word liposuction – exercise is essential. Anything that raises your heartrate and gets you sweaty counts so find something motiviating and fun- Rambling, playing football or morris dancing whatever floats your boat! There are so many options out there so many different activities to try. Not only does exercising have countless health benefits but it can improve your social life, which leads me to my next point,

Environment

Do you have any friends who exercise, someone you could buddy up with at the gym or are they the type of person who sit in the pub content with a packet of pork scratchings and a pint of bitter? Then no fucking wonder you’re sad and overweight! It’s too easy to fall into old habits if you associate with others that are still in that mindset. Perhaps your friends give you a hard time if you challenge what they deem as acceptable behaviour? Then why are you friends with them? I think that people become so attuned to what’s familiar that they are afraid to venture outside familiar surroundings. It’s human nature to poke fun at something that they don’t understand or makes them feel threatened. If you turned up to the pub with your new hot bod would your friends be proud of you and rejoice in your success or would they be envious and jealous putting you down to validate their own sad lives being too weak to do something about it themselves?

Find supportive friends, try new things and meet new people with similar goals:

To Conclude…

These are simple steps towards leading a happy healthy life. Take a look at your life and ask yourself what your goals are what you want to achieve – weight loss, improved muscle tone, improved fitness – if you are serious about reaching these goals– then consider what is stopping you or what has stopped you in the past and deal with it. Don’t kid yourself trying quick fix fads – they don’t work. If you need some help speak to a professional – a good personal trainer, a doctor, a nutritionist -  not your mates down at weightwatchers! Stop being a lazy shit. Stop finding excuses. Cut the crap, combat your cravings - gain control and associate with positive, likeminded people.

INJURY TABOO

The Persevering Gym-goer

When you are injury free you can wakeup on a morning and think – yes I might just go for that 15k run before lunch I’ve never even heard of shin splints…or I’m going to do some really heavy squatting at the gym my back is stronger than a steel ox. It’s like when you’re a kid and you can eat ten poptarts with no detrimental waistband consequences. Then one day injury occurs and your world can fall apart. We might have felt a niggle or a twinge and trained through it…sound familiar? How easy is it to get half way into your training session and think – actually I have a strange sensation in my left calf better stop before I hurt myself. It’s like telling a fat kid in a sweet shop to have a cabbage instead. Not gonna happen. Once we’ve started we literally can’t stop ourselves. Avid gym-goers share this poor lack of judgement which in the long run could save them weeks of ‘recovery time’ and hundreds of pounds on physiotherapy bills.

Poor Decisions

I was once an injury virgin. Then one day I fucked everything up. I went to one of those sports shops and allowed myself to be coaxed into buying an expensive pair of trainers. I was accosted by ‘Kev’ – a young greasy shop assistant whofor some reason had been overlooked by McDonalds and snapped up by the sports footwear establishment. Anyway he filmed me running on a treadmill –perve – and pointed out my ‘knock knees’.

I lapped it up thinking this is brilliant I will be the next Paula Radcliffe (without the stopping for a piss) in these bad boys. That very evening I went training feeling shit hot in my new footwear. I remember it was fartlek and at the end of my 3^rd or 4^th lamppost sprint my shins were ridiculously tight as if they had expanded to twice the size.

Did I stop – did I fuck. I didn’t give it another thought.

My First Injury

The next day I went on my morning 5k run. 2 minutes in and I had to stop my shin bones felt like they were about to snap in half and the muscles down my shin were burning, so tight that my feet could barely move up and down… I was running like a retarded duck. Now you know the feeling when you get dumped. We’ve all been dumped even if we were 10 and it was that ginger kid who decided he liked marbles more than you.

Anyway it’s fucking awful your heart sinks your chest tightens you can’t breath – well that pain but 10 times worse is how I felt. I laugh now but seriously – The Jeremy Kyle Show flashed before my eyes. Gone were my fitness dreams of entering marathons and iron man competitions – now I was destined to forever sit on the sofa nursing my spastic legs eating KFC with 10 kids on the dole and probably married to trainer shop Kev.

Dramatic yes- but that is how ridiculously devastated I was and any fitness fanatic will empathise.

Physio’s Dream:

Over the few years I saw a number of physiotherapists…Some were shit…some were good ….but  I ended up with a list as long as my arm of imbalances and issues and overcompensations that were contributing to my fucked up running. During this time I had to adapt to training in the gym – no more running. I completed my REPS qualifications and diploma in sports massage therapy. I began to understand my body – the muscles and the balance between exercise and overtraining. I found a physiotherapist I liked who talked sense and gave a damn good rub down. Overtime I went out running again. If something hurt I stopped…or slowed down. If my legs tightened I had a couple of days off.

Injury Prevention

Nothing beats a bit of common sense–if you buy new trainers fucking wear them in first and don’t go sprinting your arse off. At the end of the day it’s your body and you need to look after it. If you are going to put it through gruelling workouts and high impact activities I 100% recommend Sports Massage once a week if you can. It will allow you to monitor your body and help prevent injury as well as enhancing your performance. Don’t be a cocky shit we all break from time to time so it’s good to be prepared just in case.